March month means the year is well and truly rolling forward and gathering momentum. Organizational hopes are often still on the to do list and well laid plans are yet to be acted upon. It also means spring, here in the UK. A time of change, a time of newness, a time of growth and embodies my year so far. I don’t think any other country does spring as well as the UK. Cherry blossoms, apple blossoms, daffodils and snow drops have progressively decorated our new surrounding environment, and coupled with the longer rays of light, and the blue skies seen more frequently, almost convince one that spring has arrived.
For us these three months have symbolized different types of change.
First there was my little sisters wedding- little sisters seem all grown up when they are saying their vows and getting married. It was all incredibly beautiful and detailed, just as my sister is and has always wanted. Yet all too surreal for me. I think the tragedy of being so far away during such an important time is that you miss the build up, the planning, the choosing and the preparation. Usually you only see the end product. I was lucky enough to spend the week before her wedding with my family and was able to assist with the last minute preparations- fetching, dropping, sorting, organising and being able to share in some of the build up. And now I have been able to see her photos and cherish the beauty of the occasion and the memories of a night gone too quickly.
We returned to England to news of our home being sold and an urgency to be out within a month. As such, a mad scurry ensued to find a house that met our criteria- close to my work, cheaper and cat friendly. This process was complicated by the stress of Guy’s first job interview, and the waiting phase to hear whether he had made the grade or not. He got the job and now the exciting change of having an full time employed husband after almost one and a half years begins. Prospects, dreams and ambitions shoot through the prepared ground of the past 18 months as we eagerly anticipate the seeds of his labour.
Spring is a time of newness and for us this meant new surroundings and a new beginning in terms of relocation. One week to go before our move and we were informed the house we had chosen didn’t take cats. We scrambled to extend our current lease and find a new property as we wanted to move by the beginning of the new month. Thankfully by the Monday we had our first house choice and only needed to proceed with the act of moving. Boxes needed to be packed and moving vans booked. Which always takes longer than one plans! We were greatly blessed by a friend of Guy’s from uni who came through on the Friday night to help us pack and load the van, and then met us in Nottingham on the Saturday to unload. The rest of the weekend and following week was spent unpacking, moving and buying furniture to unpack into and around. Finally, our house is starting to feel like our home.
Change often accompanies a change in weather. With this comes uncertainty and uncertain expectations. In the midst of this move, I received news from my family in South Africa that my father, who had been struggling with worsening fatigue for the past four months, had been diagnosed with kidney cancer. We didn’t know much at then, but by last Friday, the operation for a radical nephrectomy was booked for the following Monday. We had limited understanding of what this meant, both in the short and long term. My sister had flown down to support my Mum and Dad through the operation itself. Thankfully as it proved to be a larger operation than planned, as the tumor was bigger than they had hoped. They had to cut through his abdominal muscles and the operation took 2 hours longer than expected. I hate to think how my mum and sister felt, waiting almost four hours for news of his recovery. He was taken to ICU for the night where they monitored him closely and by Tuesday he was discharged to the ward. Although I left Nottingham at 1pm on Tuesday afternoon, I only reached my family in Durban at 11.30am on Wednesday morning. The time couldn’t pass soon enough. When my sister fetched me from the airport it was with the news from the latest doctor’s visit, which confirmed he wouldn’t need chemo and would now begin three monthly follow ups.
Seeing my Dad in hospital, sitting up in bed with a grin on his face cheered my soul to no end. I think I had prepared myself for the worst. Having left my dad 6 weeks earlier without a care in the world, it was still a shock to see him looking frail and sore in hospital. Shortly after arriving, they took out his CVP line and abdominal drain and he felt strong enough to go for a walk. I could use my physiotherapy voice and be useful! It was so wonderful to see him with colour in his face and his sense of humour back. Being there was the best thing I could have done, as no amount of verbal reassurance could have done what seeing him did. By the Thursday evening he had been discharged home, had his first taste of Sauvignon blanc and I knew then that he would be ok. Time will now do it’s job and help him heal his wounds as he faces an altered reality.
My mum on the other hand has wounds that aren’t visible to the eye. She has always been the family’s career, nurturer and mother in all senses of the word, and having my Dads wellbeing at risk in a way she can’t fix, I think has shaken her to the core. She has multiple projects running side by side and the stress of managing his care alongside the rest of life’s dramas is all quite overwhelming at present. Thankfully my sister and I were present to try to ease her load, baking, cooking, replying to emails and assisting with errands.
I was grateful to leave my parents in my sisters care last night, as tonight her and her husband leave them to now face reality alone. In this spring season I can only pray that they will find spring in their lives together, especially after this sudden cold front of winter that has hit. That they will be able to smell the flowers with a renewed sense of appreciation, that they will have the time to enjoy the little things in life together like seeing the buds and enjoying the blossoms of life.
Somehow in life we seem to make it so complicated. We seem to fill our lives with stuff and bulk (largely necessary stuff) that is important, but detracts from the really important things we need to focus on- spending time with our loved ones, loving them and having fun with them. Real time that is not just distracted or arbitrary but building time, quality time.
I write this as I am sitting on a train with blue skies and green rolling fields passing by as I travel home to my husband who waits for me. This trip home has reminded me of the important things in my life, and of the importance of living for today. None of us knows when our number will be called, nor when our life may be irrevocably changed. For today, I am grateful that my father has another chance. That my relationship with my parents has improved in quality and time spent together, and that we can enjoy each others company. That I was able to spend these few stolen days with them due to their generosity and that I could play some role in his recovery. That my husband is my husband, and that I have a partner to share this life with.
As spring blossoms unseasonably early in the UK we expect another cold snap. I know weather is never always the same, and nor is life. I hope I can embrace loved ones and life more openly and warmly following the lessons the year has already taught me.
theadventuresofguyandli 